I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Randomize
