my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
