Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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