id be glad to
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I pour the whiskey from now on
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
