508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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