I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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