im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
