i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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