Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
