We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
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