i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
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