If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
he had hair everywhere except his balls
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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