What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
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