why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
you never un-have a 4some
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Randomize
