fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
