So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
