flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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