How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
