Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
