i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Sorry about my life...
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
