I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
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Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
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I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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