So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
