i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
