our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
