Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
