Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
