omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
