I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
pray to the hookup gods
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"