Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(818): View more from California

he got wood on it!

(408): View more from California

i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.

(818): View more from California

...i was talking about hockey

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(818): he got wood on it! (408): i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals. (818): ...i was talking about hockey http://tfl.nu/alxf

Replies (3) Good night (886) Bad night (1022)
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(631): View more from New York

dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.

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(631): dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me. http://tfl.nu/uux2

Replies (8) Good night (3377) Bad night (887)
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(312): View more from Illinois

Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.

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(312): Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer. http://tfl.nu/54ng

Replies (19) Good night (8249) Bad night (959)
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(206): View more from Washington

I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.

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(206): I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed. http://tfl.nu/hhhb

Replies (26) Good night (1102) Bad night (5761)
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(774): View more from Massachusetts

I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.

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(774): I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass. http://tfl.nu/6q4x

Replies (27) Good night (11827) Bad night (1433)
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(804): View more from Virginia

He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?

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(804): He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag? http://tfl.nu/lcp4

Replies (21) Good night (860) Bad night (4817)
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(513): View more from Ohio

I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration

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(513): I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration http://tfl.nu/y2rq

Replies (20) Good night (1789) Bad night (2646)
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(239): View more from Florida

Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.

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(239): Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate. http://tfl.nu/8ri3

Replies (6) Good night (1041) Bad night (2092)
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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.

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(832): Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control. http://tfl.nu/bxmz

Replies (2) Good night (1793) Bad night (1325)
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(904): View more from Florida

he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?

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(904): he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french? http://tfl.nu/ofgx

Replies (26) Good night (7614) Bad night (1136)
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(565): View more from

He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!

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(565): He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever! http://tfl.nu/cg62

Replies (16) Good night (2790) Bad night (869)
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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention

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(610): I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention http://tfl.nu/bnw5

Replies (4) Good night (715) Bad night (383)
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(248): View more from Michigan

I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"

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(248): I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring" http://tfl.nu/0ibn

Replies (3) Good night (882) Bad night (378)
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(202): View more from Washington, DC

Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.

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(202): Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way. http://tfl.nu/t0k2

Replies (8) Good night (393) Bad night (1646)
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(631): View more from New York

I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"

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(631): I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door" http://tfl.nu/2fek

Replies (1) Good night (421) Bad night (118)

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