Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Randomize
