all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
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You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
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There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.