Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?