Texts From Last Night

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  (916): View more from California

  I hate ducks.

  (916): View more from California

  What?

  (916): View more from California

  they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.

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  (916): I hate ducks. (916): What? (916): they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck. http://tfl.nu/gesm
  Replies (55) Good night (3641) Bad night (962)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.

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  (425): God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis. http://tfl.nu/n22o
  Replies (21) Good night (603) Bad night (2228)
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  (408): View more from California

  Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand

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  (408): Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand http://tfl.nu/h440
  Replies (31) Good night (4967) Bad night (730)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.

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  (401): OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever. http://tfl.nu/cy9z
  Replies (197) Good night (10917) Bad night (1149)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?

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  (443): do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them? http://tfl.nu/br07
  Replies (99) Good night (1893) Bad night (5726)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase

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  (770): We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase http://tfl.nu/nkt0
  Replies (0) Good night (780) Bad night (2677)
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  (251): View more from Alabama

  I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.

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  (251): I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them. http://tfl.nu/46q5
  Replies (10) Good night (877) Bad night (831)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.

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  (410): It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole. http://tfl.nu/8vko
  Replies (16) Good night (814) Bad night (2260)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.

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  (720): Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay. http://tfl.nu/q60w
  Replies (1) Good night (1082) Bad night (430)
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  (714): View more from California

  How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?

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  (714): How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot? http://tfl.nu/pt30
  Replies (2) Good night (1015) Bad night (409)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.

  (404): View more from Georgia

  I'm a corrupt cop.

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  (678): You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably. (404): I'm a corrupt cop. http://tfl.nu/teya
  Replies (4) Good night (1977) Bad night (605)
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah

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  (864): Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah http://tfl.nu/n16g
  Replies (2) Good night (863) Bad night (345)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger

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  (617): Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger http://tfl.nu/kw9o
  Replies (0) Good night (425) Bad night (482)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.

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  (407): I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case. http://tfl.nu/43fa
  Replies (6) Good night (771) Bad night (398)
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.

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  (319): I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it. http://tfl.nu/c71w
  Replies (3) Good night (795) Bad night (487)

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