You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
