so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.