I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.