I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
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I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
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I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way