I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
