Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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