idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.