i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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