I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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