I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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