You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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