Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
