i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
