I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
