Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
