Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Alive.
So much puke
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
