I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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