i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
there is glitter all over my balls
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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