people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
