you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
