you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
