Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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