i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
