i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
