Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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