Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
