took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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