The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
