You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
