Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
