I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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