Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
should my penis look like a turkey
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
