Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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