And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
