just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
