we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
