apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
