4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
