Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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