I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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