Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
She's the barista slut.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
