Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
