the condom got lost in my hair
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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