1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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