i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
