ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
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Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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