Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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