were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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