i think my tv is drunk
smell my finger.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
