I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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