if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
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