my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
