A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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