i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
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I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
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There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
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